BREAKING: Tucker is out at Fox News and here’s why (wrong answers only)

In a shock that swept the internet off its feet, Fox News announced Monday morning that Tucker Carlson was leaving the network and his last show was Friday April 21. The surprise announcement and swift departure indicate that the separation was not amicable. 

We don’t have any details over the split so here are all the wildly speculative reasons that Tucker might have left on his own or that Fox might have stupidly fired him. 

1. Fox News was actually tired of winning 

Being on top is a big burden. They like the feel of the hustle. They wanted to be more alive. Dominating their market segment was really just too boring. 

2. The truth of Tucker’s paternity to Alex Stein was about to come out 

Alex Stein joins his biological father @TuckerCarlson to discuss a student Penn State student spitting on him.@alexstein99: "She spit on me but the government and these people that are in power are spitting on us everyday and telling us it's raining" pic.twitter.com/4tPNUhaGG5

— 3sidedstory 🇺🇲 (@3sidedstory) October 26, 2022

Abandoning a son is not it, Tucker. 

3. He’s going to follow Trump around in the 2024 campaign to write a book about it like Trent Crimm from the Independent on Ted Lasso

I mean this historic run does need a strong lens for a book to match its calliber. 

4. He and Don Lemon are going to join forces recreate Crossfire 

Don Lemon also got fired today its chaos. 

5. Tucker is sick of how annoying everyone is and how much better than them his is and is switching careers to mysterious island bar keep so that the losers and haters can’t find him 

“Tucker Carlson? I haven’t heard that name in a long time…” 

Whatever the truth may be it’s clear that Fox News has lost their best asset and their future is definitely hanging in the balance of this separation.