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BREAKING: Top 12 Options To Replace Justice Breyer
Justice Breyer announced his retirement from the Supreme Court today. While speculation abounds on who Joe Biden might select for his replacement, the fact is that it will be extremely difficult to confirm a SCOTUS nominee with only a 51 vote majority in the Senate and two democratic Senators not getting along with the rest of the democrats (Senators Manchin and Sinema). This will not stop Biden and his cronies in the Senate from trying to ramrod some horrifying progressive through the confirmation process.
As they’re making their nomination decisions, I invite the Biden team to review some of my totally sincere suggestions for the next Justice of the Supreme Court as I am certain they will be better than anyone they come up with:
- Dead Ruth Bader Ginsberg
It would make their base so happy and what’s the difference really?
- Kim Kardashian
She’s a lawyer now and she just divorced liberal enemy non-grata, Kanye West. Ideal candidate. Plus she’s a woman and an ethnic minority. She checks basically all their boxes.
- Ghislane Maxwell (pronounced Jizz-Lane not Gah-laine I will die on this hill)
She just got convicted of sex trafficking and abusing minor girls with Jeffrey Epstein but she’s still alive so she definitely has some dirt. Might as well keep her close.
- Anthony Scaramucci
Provided the best 11 days in American history as the White House Director of Communications, betrayed Trump so the left likes him and he is technically a lawyer (he actually went to Harvard law). His decisions would be like “honest f*ck you” and is that not what we all want?
- Furonda Brasfield
Furonda was famously a contestant on America’s Next Top Model and is now a lawyer. Probably a really good one; I have no idea. What I do know is she was a no-nonsense finalist on one of the most iconic reality shows in the history of the world (don’t @ me on this). No one could be more prepared for SCOTUS.
- Judge Judy
Is there anyone more balanced and fair?
- Judge Trudy
The satirical version of Judge Judy as depicted by the iconic Amanda Bynes on the Teen Nick program The Amanda Show is equally as balanced and fair as Judge Judy but even more spirited. Bring in the dancing lobsters!
- Atticus Finch
He’s a racist now (cannon: Go Set a Watchman) but the left tends to ignore that if it suits them re: Joe Biden. Just nominate the Gregory Peck version specifically and it should be fine.
- Stacey Abrams
She went to Yale law school and is almost as qualified as Judge Trudy or Furonda so she should make the list.
- Simon Cowell
Simon Cowell has a ton of experience serving on judicial panels with even higher stakes than that of the Supreme Court. The constitution actually does not require American citizenship or legal education to serve on SCOTUS.
- Brett Kavanaugh again
They made so much money and had so much fun the last time, it really just makes sense to do it over again.
- Vladimir Putin
Could resolve a few outstanding looming war type issues we have going on.
With a roster this deep I don’t know how they could go wrong.
