Hunter Biden’s Shocking Defense: Lines Of Cocaine in Photo Are Actually…

In a stunning turn of events, Hunter Biden’s legal team is now insisting that the mysterious white powder seen in a photo was not cocaine, as federal prosecutors claim, but rather the latest trend in avant-garde interior design – sawdust. Yes, you heard it right, folks. Hunter Biden, the connoisseur of eclectic art and unexpected home decor choices, apparently decorates his living space with lines of sawdust, not the conventional lines of cocaine that less sophisticated individuals might opt for.

Biden’s attorneys, Abbe Lowell, Christopher Man, and Bartholomew Dalton, made this jaw-dropping revelation in a Tuesday court filing, where they bravely stood up against the tyrannical forces of logic and common sense. In a move that would make even the most imaginative fiction writers blush, they asserted that the prosecution got it all wrong, not just about the substance in the photo, but also about the very nature of the photograph itself.

According to the legal eagles representing the artistic virtuoso that is Hunter Biden, the photograph in question was actually taken in the office of his then-psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow. The image, allegedly sent to Hunter by a master carpenter, was meant to showcase the latest in sawdust arrangements, a groundbreaking technique for those looking to add a touch of rustic charm to their surroundings.

“The prosecution is flat out wrong—both that Mr. Biden ‘took’ this photograph and in claiming that it depicts ‘cocaine,'” the attorneys wrote in their court filing, presumably while stifling giggles. “This is actually a photo of sawdust from an expert carpenter, and it was sent to Mr. Biden, not vice versa.”

They go on to explain that the photograph was accompanied by a heartwarming message from Dr. Ablow, dated November 20, 2018, which read, “This one in my office is of lines of sawdust sent to me by a master carpenter who was a coke addict.” Nothing says motivation like reminding someone that even a carpenter with a penchant for narcotics can create beautiful, albeit gritty, art.

It’s truly heartening to know that Hunter Biden, the scion of President Joe Biden, is not just a man of refined taste in art but also a trailblazer in the realm of interior decorating. Who needs traditional wall art when you can have lines of sawdust that not only elevate the aesthetics of your space but also serve as a constant reminder that addiction can be overcome? Move over, Picasso; Hunter’s got lines of sawdust that are worth a thousand inspirational messages.

As the legal battle unfolds, one can’t help but marvel at the audacity of those who dare question the authenticity of Hunter’s sawdust aesthetic. After all, who needs evidence when you have the power of creative interpretation and a good imagination? We eagerly await the next chapter in this riveting saga of sawdust, art, and the misunderstood genius that is Hunter Biden.