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The Conservative Critic

Which The Tortured Poets Department song is about Joe Biden? 



To much fanfare, Taylor Swift’s most recent album “The Tortured Poets Department” was released April 19. The album has a B side version “Anthology” which makes 31 total new songs on the release. Whether it’s side A or B, Taylor stays true to her brand by bringing deeply personal lyrics which lay bare her feelings about her most personal relationships (for better or worse). 

And by most personal relationships I mean of course with prominent politicians! Some would say “Goodbye London” on the A side is clearly about her former flame Joe Aldrin (OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS) but I say it’s giving clear Boris Johnson.

Let’s break down some of the top tracks and see which is about which politician (and not Joe Alderon): 

“Down Bad” is Gov. Ron DeSantis 

“Down Bad” is by far one of the higher tempo and more fun songs on the album. An A-side track, “Down Bad” is about someone who thought they were the chosen one and lost the game despite their best efforts and now feels pretty salty about it. The lyrics say “f*ck it if I can’t have us” and that feels very the vibe of DeSantis post primary crash. The song is about being “Down Bad” but it definitely feels like getting back up again. “Down Bad” but not down forever. 

“Robin” is about Joe Biden 

Taylor isn’t even trying to hide this one. Joe Biden’s middle name is “Robinette.” And based on her cookie based endorsement in 2020, we know she voted for him. So when she says “long may you reign” we know she means Joe! Then she goes on to say “staring out window panes talking utter nonsense: you have no idea.” and “strings tied to levers, sewed down clocks tethered all this showmanship to keep it for you.” I mean this is basically a biography of Joe Biden. “You look ridiculous and you have no idea.” I mean really she might as well have just called it Joe Biden. “Way to go Tiger!” 

“I Look In People’s Windows” is Pete Buttigieg 

The song is about someone on the outside looking in and specially it’s about someone who likes good bottles of wine. Recalling “wine cave gate” it’s clear Mayor Pete, the scapegoat of the Biden administration, is the one peeping into windows wishing he was invited to the Party. It also has some transportation references like “northbound I got carried away as you boarded your train south.” If we know anything at all about Mayor Pete, it’s that bro effing loves trains. This one’s for him. 

“The Manuscript” is about the ‘Never Trump’  DC consultant class or just Paul Ryan

The Manuscript is about a professional who writes a playbook of sorts. There is a line that says “I’m not a donor but I’ll give you my heart if you needed it” which really speaks to the consultant class’s commitment to being deeply involved in politics whether or not it’s actually helpful to either America or their candidate. The lyric “Looking backwards might be the only way to look forward” is clearly about the group picking up Ron DeSantis and bleeding him dry on a dusty, failed 2012 campaign strategy and continuing to insist that it’s the only way to win a general election. 

Imgonnagetyouback” is for RFK

The song is about someone who doesn’t know yet whether they’re going to win someone over or destroy their life. “Imgonnagetyouback” means either reuniting with someone or getting revenge. Robert F. Kennedy’s approach to his presidential campaign is very in line with these lyrics which Taylor clearly intended for him. As he seems to be dismantling the democrats only path to victory in the Presidency in 2024 it’s unclear if RFK will be the great unifier, defeating both main parities and bringing independent togethers, or just blowing up strategy on both sides for a wild electoral ride. Taylor writes “I’m not sure if I’m going to be your wife or gonna smash up your bike, I haven’t decided yet” and this is obviously the campaign playbook of Kennedy as he continues to rob both sides of donors and support. “Pick your poison, babe, I’m poison either way.” – RFK on vaccines basically.

“I Can Do it With A Broken heart” is about Hillary Clinton 

Hillary Clinton wanted nothing more than to be President Of the United States. Taylor writes in this song “I am so depressed I act like it’s my birthday every day.” Recall that tragic picture “Happy Birthday to this Future President” posted by Hilllary Clinton just before her devastating 2016 loss to President Donald Trump. Despite Hillary’s catastrophic and embarrassing loss, she persists on charging a quarter of a million for speaking events across the country and weighing in as best she can clinging to the dream that she matters. She has a long history of performing in the toughest situations. Remember how she handled her husband’s public affair with a 21 year old intern? “Lights, camera, b*tch smile.” Hillary Clinton faked it until she made it just like Taylor says. 

“But Daddy I Love Him” is about MAGA Americans

The song is about self-righteous pearl clutchers trying to judge Taylor for her love of someone “bad.” She says “No I’m not coming to my senses. I know it’s crazy but he’s the one I want.” If this isn’t the love song between MAGA Americans including all of those who have felt knocked down, bullied and betrayed by our own and Donald Trump I don’t know what is. Taylor writes “God save the most judgemental creeps who say they want the best for me sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I’ll never see.” I mean, she even uses President Trump’s words for Ron DeSantis and his followers who love to hate MAGA. This is obviously about the Trump base.

“So High School” is about George W. Bush 

George W. Bush makes everyone feel pretty young. He evokes a time when we still thought war made America cool and we had really strong feelings about the middle east. In a way we will always long for youthful naivete. But Taylor writes:  “I want to find you in the crowd just to hide from you” which really speaks to our desire to remember George W. Bush fondly but also never repeat anything we ever did during that period in our life. And yet we remain very tempted. In “a blink of a crinkling eye” we’re back in a simpler time.

The Albatross 

The Albatross is about President Donald J. Trump. The song is about a savior who sweeps in to rescue people from “fake news.” It’s about a bird that everyone says is here to destroy us all but actually is the one who can save us. The song tells of “wise men” who persecute the Albatross and lock the bird in high towers and tell everyone they’re in terrible danger from its wild nature. But when one is “persona non grata” the Albatross has been there too and knows none of it matters. The “devil that you know looks more like an angel” is obviously about DJT. “Cross your thoughtless heart!” 

The Alchemy is also about Donald J. Trump

Wow Taylor Swift is really obsessed with President Trump. The Alchemy is about an inevitable outcome where a victor returns after a long time and shows how much better he is at the game than everyone else. It’s about someone who is only once in a lifetime. The reigning champ. The king. She writes: “Touch down, call the amateurs and cut them from the team.” Clearly, this is not about Travis Kelce falling for Taylor Swift but about Donald Trump absolutely mowing his ‘competition’ in the Republican primary and refusing to even really engage them. It’s about him cutting the fat of the losers and haters and rising back to where he always belonged. “Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?”