This week, failed Presidential Candidate and then also failed Vice Presidential Candidate Carly Fiorina took it upon herself to weigh in on the moral integrity of President Trump and revealed she would be voting for sleepy/creepy Uncle Joe Biden. Carly Fiornia is a 1 percenter Californian who has more in common with Nancy Pelosi than she does any of us. She should vote for Joe Biden. She’s just like him.
Carly is joined by several other rich people who think very little of good American policy and very much about gentile behaviors and the pageantry of pretending to like people which is so common amongst the upper crust.
In my kitchen, I always separate the overripe bananas from the good bananas or else the enzymes of the bad bananas will spoil the good. You must separate bad bananas from good bananas or the whole bunch is spoiled. So its good for the Trump movement that she is gone. Here are a few other bad bananas I’m glad to be rid of (or hoping soon):
1. Carly Fiorina
Let’s start with the most spoiled of the bad bananas. In 2015 while running for president – Carly Fiorina presented herself as perhaps the single most important pro-life candidate our party has had in history. Instead, President Trump has appointed pro-life judges, advanced pro-life agendas and uplifted only life based priorities while Carly has decided to vote for Planned Parenthood’s bought and paid for puppet, Joe Biden because he “wants to bring people together” and is “humble.” I promise that Joe Biden’s policies will do nothing to bring anyone together. They will advance progressive agendas and threaten human life through war, through crime policy and through abortion policy.
Carly Fiorina was born to a law professor turned Ninth Circuit Appeals court judge and her mother was an “artist.” I don’t think I have to tell you they were very wealthy. She had every advantage. She went to a fancy private school in London, married a fancy boy from a fancy family and they lived in Italy for graduate school. It honestly reads like a poorly written TV drama version of a rich girl. She and her new husband are worth $60 million or more. She lives in a wealthy suburb of San Francisco and has homes in only liberal areas of liberal cities.
She’s also a notorious loser. She left her two senior leadership corporate roles in scandal (including one which she got from the man she was dating and ultimately married), she conducted multiple failed political campaigns in California, all of her ridiculous self serving charitable endeavors have totally flopped and we all saw her flame out in the presidential. So what exactly has Carly Fiorina contributed to the world whatsoever besides what served her best interest?
Carly Fiorina is no better than every other California rich politician and Joe Biden is the perfect candidate for her.
2. Mitt Romney/Pierre Delecto
What can I even say about Mitt Romney? Slightly less of a spoiled banana than Carly Fiorina because I feel like we have always known that Mitt Romney was a self-serving rich jerk who doesn’t care about the well being of the country.
Mitt Romney was formerly the Governor of Massachusetts where he invented Obamacare – a fact he bragged about constantly and then ran against in 2012. Like the queen banana, Romney went to a fancy prepschool where he met a girl from a different fancy prepschool and they got fancy married. Mitt Romney actually went to the same college as Carly Fiorina (Stanford) which is to say an expensive one in California where rich kids go when they can’t get into Yale.
As a top Mormon deeply embedded in the faith, Mitt chose to take his mission in Paris, France instead of somewhere that he maybe could have offered some legitimate aid while also delivering his ministry message (as most Mormons do). While there, following in the footsteps of other rich politicians who don’t care about you, he killed a female passenger in his car in a car crash. Though the “official position” is that Mitt Romney was not at fault – mysteriously no record of this incident exists with French police.
Mitt Romney went on to run for Senate in Utah, a state which he had no ties to since college, and voted to impeach a president who he once asked for a job from. He will be voting for Joe Biden and I do think that is the right vote for him and his life choices.
3. Jennifer Horn
The most annoying failed Congressional candidate you’ve never heard of, Jennifer Horn is one of the co-founders of the biggest waste of money in a generation – the Lincoln Project. The Lincoln Project is dedicated to electing Joe Biden over Donald Trump in the name of “reclaiming conservatism” which does make some sense since all of the “conservatives” who are a part of these projects don’t win elections which is something conservatives used to really enjoy.
Jennifer Horn specifically ran for Congress in New Hampshire and lost twice. She then created a very short lived pathetic group with basically no purpose called We The People (how creative) whose most prominent speaker was Rick Santorum. She became chairman of the republican party in New Hampshire on a campaign which she financed with her own money at the tune of $230,000. Imagine wanting power and attention so badly you would pay a quarter of a million dollars for it because nobody wanted to give you any money in support.
Jennifer Horn has contributed approximately nothing to society and has made chronic attempts to gain power with no real mission, ideology or loyalty. And no one even wants her. She now considers herself one of “the most prominent” repulican critics of Donald Trump which is pretty sad since she’s one of the smallest bad bananas in this bunch.
She’s behind this ad to betray America. Project Lincoln has raised less than $3 million. They have spent all of it against all republicans not just President Trump and given $81,000 directly to Joe Biden. The Trump Make America Great Again Committee has raised $224 million.
4. Colin Powell
Though admittedly Colin Powell did not grow up wealthy he has been wealthy for a very long time and he has not cared about you for even longer. But just because he wasn’t rich doesn’t mean he didn’t suck. As a child he actually changed his name from being pronounced as “Collin” as his parents intended, to “Colon” like a total douche weasel.
Colin Powell has long been beloved by democrats and was actually floated as a potential democratic Vice Presidential Candidate for Bill Clinton in 1992. So his principles in terms of being a “republican” have always been shaky at best. When he served George W. Bush as Secretary of State – it was on his authority that the United States officially determined that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction. Like democrat loving officials we know today, Colin Powell also found himself relying on false information from a UK based intelligence dossier to defend his war making decisions to the public. He was fired as Secretary of State in 2003 just before President George W. Bush was re-elected.
Openly pro-choice and pro-gun control, the only relatable thing Colin Powell has believed in a long time is that John Bolton sucks as a person. And yet they are both voting for Joe Biden.
5. John ‘Regina George” Bolton
Free Press Fail has made no secret of how we feel about the mustache known as John Bolton. From videos to listicles – we think he’s a career politician of convenience who the media decided to lend credibility only because it suited them.
In politics for his entire life, Bolton began his political career as a student activist for Barry Goldwater in 1964. Same as Hillary Clinton! He went to law school with current Supreme Court Justice (and actual good conservative hero) Clarence Thomas and then interned for Vice President Spiro Agnew.
John Bolton believed in sacrificing other people’s lives for war from an early age. During the Vietnam War, Bolton was unsurprisingly a vocal supporter. However, when his number was called and he was actually drafted – he avoided services through a student deferral and later wrote in his Yale 25th reunion book “I admit I had no desire to die in a rice paddy.” Yeah, Bolton, no one else did either.
Bolton clawed and warred his way through every Republican administration since then. He has capitalized off public trust in all five of his books including his most recent attempt which he claims to provide details proving Trump’s guilt and need for impeachment (yeah right) though he refused to testify to Congress on those very issues.
Bolton opposed deweaponization of Libya, he was instrumental in starting the Iraq War, he has advocated for “pre-emptive” strikes against North Korea and Iran. There is not a war out there John Bolton wouldn’t start (but not actually serve in). There is not an American soldier’s life he wouldn’t sacrifice.
John Bolton doesn’t care about human life. And Joe Biden is for sure the candidate of John Bolton.
6. Anthony Scaramucci
This one actually breaks my heart a little. I was a big fan of “the mooch” when he served the 11 greatest days in American history as President Trump’s press secretary. But alas he proved himself to be another self-serving elitist who cares far more about his own interests than the interests of good leadership and good policy.
Scaramucci attended Harvard Law school before joining Goldman Sachs where he really bought into that whole culture and was ranked in Worth magazine’s “Power 100” in 2011. He once spent $100,000 for his logo and himself to appear in the movie Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps starring Shia LaBeouf. Lame. He also starred in the reality show, Celebrity Big Brother and has made many appearances on day time drama TV shows like the View and Dr. Phil.
Despite their claims that they hate Wall Street, the left has always been Wall Street’s biggest fans. Scaramucci supported both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama in 2008 and was one of Barack Obama’s major fundraisers. Showing his true colors as the unprincipled snake he turned out to be, he pivoted positions when he saw a chance to move up in clout and served as National Finance Chair for Mitt Romeny in 2012.
I don’t think I have to go into much more as to why Anthony Scaramucci is not a character in the story we want to be telling. Joe Biden is the candidate for Scaramuccis everywhere. Good pick.
7. Cindy and Meghan McCain
A two for one of entitlement and fame mongering, the McCain women have made no secret of their support for Joe Biden over President Trump.
Cindy McCain was a rich sorority girl when she met John McCain who was 18 years older than her, married for 14 years and a father of three children. These facts did not stop Cindy from pursuing and carrying on a relationship with John while he was married.
It was thanks to Cindy’s rich family’s connections with the Arizona elite that John McCain was ever elected and the minute he was they moved to Virginia away from the people who put them in office. When Washington, DC didn’t rise to greet her with open arms after stealing a married man away from his wife and family, Cindy moved back to Arizona where she remained a princess.
Meghan was born into wealth and power and has not lived a day of her life without those privileges. A woman who has had no drive or purpose besides capitalizing on the fame and power of her father, she has spent many years as the unwanted and unendorsed “voice of republicans” on liberal media outlets such as MSNBC and the View.
Both women seem to have forgotten how horrendously Joe Biden’s allies treated them and their patriarch when he ran for president in 2008 and have decided that because President Trump clapped back against John McCain’s insults, they can’t vote for him and will instead vote for someone else who also insulted their dad but seems classier.
The McCain women have never had to work a day in their lives. Though they have suffered tragedy, so have we all. They are the epitome of the elitist class and I do think Joe Biden is the candidate that represents them best. To the left bananas.
All of these bananas have to be separated to spare the good bunch. The truth is that Trump is not and has never been a candidate for the rich or the chronically powerful. He is a wealthy man who chooses against – his own interests – to look out for the well being of those of us who work, have always worked, and will always work. If these individuals wise up and see the error of their pettiness, the nice thing about conservatives is that we always welcome folks back. Bad bananas make fantastic banana bread if you put in the work. But if not – it’s the compost pile for these duds.
Good luck with Joe Biden.