The Conservative Critic
May the Fourth be with you: Which Star Wars Character is most like Joe Biden?
Happy May the Fourth (be with you) aka Star Wars day from Free Press Fail’s resident nerd. In honor of this holiday I will be comparing Star Wars characters to Biden administration officials.
See below which Star Wars character is your FAVORITE Biden admin lackey:
Kamala Harris is Qi’ra
Besides having a name which could easily be mispronounced, Kamala and Qi’ra have a lot in common. Like Kamala, Qi’ra also serves as a not-so-trusted lieutenant to higher mob bosses (Crimson Dawn/DNC) and got her plush job not through skill or popularity but through luck, ambition and a ~friendly~ relationship with colleagues. She might seem like a doting girl Friday but don’t turn your back if you have the job she wants…
Pete Buttigieg is Commander Nemet
Nemet, like Buttigieg, does not seem to have a firm grasp on any of the elements of his job and is ultimately scapegoated by his superiors. Both Nemet and Buttigieg have pretty important roles in their franchise but seem to only get screen time when things are going badly. Both have ambitions for higher office which are pretty unrealistic. In Nemet’s case, it was that he failed to capture the MIllennium Falcon or any prisoners on Hoth. In Buttigieg’s case, it’s the collapse of the domestic supply-chain. Similar issues. They also both look like people who would enjoy a wine cave.
Jen Psaki is General Grievous
Both Psaki and Grievous get a lot of credit for being ferocious opponents but both are more show than substance. Like Psaki, Grievance relies on his “scurry mode” to evade tougher opponents through bug-like retreat. But both of their favorite moves are to circle back.
Nancy Pelosi is Jabba The Hutt
Nancy Pelosi is not technically part of the Administration as a member of the legislative branch just like Jabba the Hutt is not technically part of the Empire due to his status as crime lord. But both have loyalty to the Emperor. Both are the money bags of their respective missions, both aren’t invited to many parties, and both are where the buck stops for their respective governments. All must pay tribute. They cannot be overthrown. Plus they’re both gross.
The entire intelligence community is Darth Vader
The only truly formidable tool in the Biden belt is his use of the corrupt intelligence community which operates with next to no oversight much like General/Darth Vader who the Empire allowed to do basically whatever he wanted. Like the intelligence community, Vader likes to get inside people’s heads. Like them, there seems to be a fine line between sensing the force and simply causing bad things to happen for selfish and power related reasons. Both are more powerful than their supposed leaders and both can easily switch sides when the going gets sticky.
The Media is Canto Bight
The media (represented by a photo from the recent 2022 White House Correspondents Dinner) is a lot like Canto Bight, the wealthy city featured in Last Jedi. Technically Canto Bight and the Media are both non-partisan and on no one’s side but one side really seems to fit their vibe more than the other and they definitely know behind whom they throw their considerable amount of influence.
Joe Biden is Emperor Snoke
Other than being basically twins, both Emperor Snoke and Joe Biden are just mouthpieces controlled by larger forces and can be put away in their containment units and replaced as needed. Both have major hostility problems when they get confused and weirdly aggressive body men. They tend to only show up to virtual meetings or in small groups and greatly overestimate their staying power. They’re no one’s first choice and they just want an ice cream.