BREAKING: Is John Fetterman Actually Dead?

So, the junior senator from Pennsylvania, John Fetterman, recently had a stroke, went to the hospital, got out of the hospital, and then checked himself into treatment for depression.

He hasn’t resigned or hinted about early retirement, despite being unable to work. He actually hasn’t said much at all.

Now, it’s got us wondering… is John Fetterman even alive?

We’ve thoroughly explored this idea and here’s what we came up with:

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Here are the reasons John might actually be fine.

1. If he is dead, why lie?

There is no reason to lie about John Fetterman’s whereabouts except maybe to avoid embarrassment. This is a strong argument in favor of him still being alive, and suggests that there might be another explanation for his disappearance.

2. Pennsylvania has a democrat Governor so liberals shouldn’t be worried about the balance of power. 

Pennsylvania has a democrat Governor who could easily appoint another democrat to take Fetterman’s place, so there’s no real political motivation for covering up his death. This is another point in favor of him still being alive.

On the other hand… there are the clues he might not be with us.

1. His wife left the country with the kids

One sign that suggests John Fetterman might be dead is that his wife has reportedly left the country with their kids. This is a strange move, and could possibly indicate that she’s fleeing a dangerous situation.

2. No one has heard from him

Another sign that suggests John Fetterman might be dead is that no one has heard from him. This is particularly odd, given that he’s a public figure and should be easy to get in touch with.

But MAYBE this is not even about Fetterman. Maybe it’s about Biden! And this is the BIGGEST point in support of covering up the death of John Fetterman. 

3. Are democrats worried about what precedent Fetterman’s death would set against electing mentally unfit men? 

One final possibility is that Democrats are worried that Fetterman’s death might set a precedent against electing men who recently had strokes or are mentally unfit to hold office. This would directly impact Joe Biden’s candidacy in 2024. Sure, this is a wild conspiracy theory, but it’s not outside the realm of possibility! If Fetterman is alive and well we can all continue thinking it’s totally fine and normal to elect men who can’t really speak. 

So, there you have it – some signs that suggest John Fetterman might be dead, and some signs that suggest he might be alive.

Your guess is as good as ours.

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