News
BREAKING: You Won’t Believe What Your Favorite Politicians Are Cooking Up For Thanksgiving
Every Thanksgiving, blessed American families prepare a feast to celebrate God’s grace, faithfulness and the true cornucopia of American abundance. It also celebrates a day when people of very different backgrounds and ideas were able to come together and share a table even when their interests were at conflict. Made a national holiday by Abraham Lincoln himself, it is perhaps America’s most beautiful and truest holiday.
In fact, if America was a holiday it would be Thanksgiving. And just like the magnificent Thanksgiving celebrations and family gatherings American households host across the country, America takes a lot of work and everyone has their part.
Here is how our favorite politicos are helping in the proverbial Thanksgiving festivities this year:
- Parade feature: Congressman Moskowitz
Despite their differences, Congressman Comer helped Congressman Moskowitz secure a pretty clutch role in the Thanksgiving Day parade by pointing out his resemblance to one of the famous balloons.
- That one couple who is awkwardly fighting the whole time: Candace Owens and Ben Shapiro
Popular conservative political analysts and personalities, Candace Owens and Ben Shapiro both of the Daily Wire have been publicly feuding over Israel policy, the sincerity of Candace’s espousal of Christianity, and also possible Donald Trump (or something). It’s really making it hard for all of us to enjoy our mashed potatoes without cheerfully trying to change the subject.
- Killing the turkey: Joe Biden
At this year’s annual Turkey Pardoning ceremony, Joe Biden got seemingly confused and wandered off after confusing Taylor Swift with Beyonce and also Britney Spears (this was somehow part of the pardon).I can only he assume he wandered off as an act of defiance thereby not pardoning the Turkey but instead killing it for the table.
- Performing the pageant: The Republican primary field minus President Trump
These big boys and girls are keep super important traditions alive that everyone really wants to watch instead of football. Later they will eat only a dinner roll before getting into a fight over a gameboy. Our little buddies!
- Burning the Turkey: Ronna McDaniel
She just HAD to have the most important job.
- Bringing the back up Turkey: President Donald Trump
People think it’s rude but thank God swooped in to save the day.
- Clean up duty: Chinese Leader Xi Jinping
California has never been cleaner than when Xi Jinping came over.
