BIG DEBUT: Episode One of Free Press Fail! We Talk Kavanaugh, Lewandowski, Corn Pop, I love Hispanics & Other Weird News – Free Press Fail
Connect with us

FPF TV

BIG DEBUT: Episode One of Free Press Fail! We Talk Kavanaugh, Lewandowski, Corn Pop, I love Hispanics & Other Weird News

Published

on

...

Watch now or listen here!

...

Be sure to subscribe!

TRANSCRIPT:

Corinne: All right. First pod-cast.

Stephanie: Yeah, we’re ready.

Corinne: (Laughs) I’m Corinne.

Stephanie: I’m Steph.

Corinne: We are with Free Press Fail and we are here to drink and pick up where the free press fails. Bu-

Stephanie: Like always.

Corinne: Yes. Um, we’re going to talk about the top news. And cover stories how we wish they were covered, which they never are.

Stephanie: Never. Well we…

Corinne: And…

Stephanie: We’re also T.V. ready.

Corinne: And, uh. Let’s just get into it.

Stephanie: All right, so. We, uh, just actually pre-gamed at Blackwell Hitch. Blackwall Hitch? Blackwell Hitch?

Corinne: I think it’s Blackwall.

Stephanie: Blackwall Hitch in Alexandria. It’s like one of the only places with outdoor seating in Old Town, which is why the wharf is kicking their ass. But, I mean, but, cause this mainstream. But, it’s great. Cause that’s what we do every time before. We’re going to try out cocktails for you guys and also talk about how the fake news medias ruin your life.

Corinne: Yep. And this week it was sparkling Rose and who knows what it will be next week.

Stephanie: This week it was sparkling Rose which does not ruin your life. It improves your life. We’ll see next time.

Corinne: So far.

Stephanie: The top news though. Obviously, we’re all talking about Brett Kavanaugh. Will he be impeached? Will he not be impeached? Is it a real story? What are your thoughts?

Corinne: Well, New York Times posted this story forgot to mention that the person, the source sited in the book, uh, was actually New York Times reporter. Which is kind of a key, key thing.

Stephanie: (Laughing)

Corinne: And the…

Stephanie: I did not know that.

Corinne: And the accusation was made by a Clinton lawyer. Who actually like, went up against Brett Kavanaugh like, their whole career. Like they’re kind of on the same path, like basically our liberal foes and our career paths. Um, so they’ve never been really friendly. Uh, and, and the person they say was the victim of the so-called assault says she does not think it happened. So it’s really just like kinda key facts that they forgot to report.

Stephanie: Oh, just a couple.

Stephanie: So I actually, I’m not, I clearly did not follow the story as closely. Corinne is our intellectual maven really. I’m technically a bipartisan consultant, but. So I, I read this article, right? I actually read it so late that I read it post, um, edit. So they never retracted the story. But they posted an edit at the top of the article. And it was like “Oh, in a previous version, we forgot to mention that the alleged victim denies the claim and every other person we interviewed also denied the claim.” (Laughs) I’m like…

Corinne: What kind of editor’s note is that?

Stephanie: I don’t. That’s a retraction. I mean, that’s, it’s, it’s like not a story. It’s completely insane.

Corinne: No, and now they’re, now the writers of the story like going on The View. And saying like “Oh, it was like the digital team’s fault, and they just like wrote a misleading tweeet that was misworded.” It was like, how do you mis…

Stephanie: How was it misworded?

Corinne: How do you misword a complete assault.

Stephanie: You literally wrote an entire story that was like. This is, this story is not corroborated even a little. It reminds me of that Rolling Stone story. Do you remember? With the girl who like, made up people in their fraternity.

Corinne: Oh, yeah. Eh…

Stephanie: It’s like the same story. Except it’s Kavanaugh.

Corinne: What was her name? I can’t remember now.

Stephanie: I literally. I have no idea.

Corinne: I think it was like Molly or something.

Stephanie: It was, it reminds me of that though.

Corinne: It was fake news. Actually maybe the first fake news.

Stephanie: It was like the original fake news. It was like, original fake news.

Stephanie: And it’s just like Kavanaugh star- such a target because, they just cannot stand, even fucking Susan Collins voted for him. Right? Like, okay. Susan Collins even. So clearly…

Corinne: But now Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren. I think even Pete Butteigieg has called for his impeachment. I might be fake news on that last one. But I know for sure Kamala and Elizabeth have called for his impeachment based on this claim. Which is hilarious. So, they can’t let a good story die. They thought they were really going to make it with that fake news in the, like, last year. And, they’re just really not willing to give it up.

Stephanie: They’re just doubling down. To not retract that story. I mean, that’s, ah, it’s the, oof, mm.

Corinne: But, um, next story, uh.

Stephanie: Next up. Oh, our favorite news outlet Buzzfeed, uh, posted an article about this, uh, young lady. This is, I mean I say this seriously. This young woman almost drowned in the Rio Grande. And she had waded in. She’s a Honduran refugee. And she waded into the Rio Grande and almost drowned. Almost drowned. She not, she not drowned. She was, she was saved. She was fine.

Stephanie: Buzzfeed posted this like, very dark story about how it’s Donald Trump’s fault that this girl, who, by her own account, does not know how to swim, waded into a massive river and almost was washed away. Not, she wasn’t washed away. So we’re not talking about a death. But it is somehow Donald Trump’s fault that this girl, who doesn’t know how to swim, almost drowned. But did not actually drowned.

Corinne: Because of our asylum policies, right?

Stephanie: Right, because of asylum policies. She shouldn’t get asylum.

Corinne: Yeah, they think every Honduran should receive asylum in America despite not having the proper credentials to do so. And if not, and then they drown, it’s Donald Trump’s fault.

Stephanie: I’m sorry, she did not drown.

Corinne: If they almost drown.

Stephanie: She almost drown. She’s actually perfectly fine. And very healthy, no injuries.

Corinne: I think maybe we should start some kind of program for floaties for these people…

Stephanie: For- (laughing) she’s…

Corinne: Because this is so ridiculous. I’ll prevent all of the stories. All of the stories about drowning in the Rio Grande because we are…

Stephanie: Right.

Corinne: Going to sell floaties like right on the river.

Stephanie: I do think it’s interesting that the article on the, um, hard hitting news journalists that are at Buzzfeed, did not seek to blame the Honduran government for the situation of this girl nearly, but not actually, drowning. Um, because the Honduran government is who chased her out of her home to begin with. With their corrupt policies and the lack of any safety and whatsoever.

Corinne: It wasn’t global, are you sure it wasn’t global warming?

Stephanie: Oh, I forgot.

Corinne: Because AOC does think that it is global warming so…

Stephanie: Forgot. It’s climate change that caused her to get into the water despite not knowing how to swim.

Corinne: I think that’s what reliable sources like salon.com would say also…

Stephanie: Mm, reliable sources do say.

Corinne: So we really need to give them a shout out to them on that.

Stephanie: [inaudible 00:06:10].com. Actually this was Buzzfeed’s hard hitting journalism. We don’t want to take away from them. Girl nearly drowns. Does not drown. That’s a top story for our week.

Corinne: Still Donald Trump’s fault.

Stephanie: Hard hitting.

Corinne: As we know. As most things are.

Corinne: Um, also just kind of a weird top news story this week. Uh, Joe Biden? Like a story of him I think 2017, right?

Stephanie: Yeah.

Corinne: 2017 he told a story to a group of reporters about a time that he was a lifeguard at an all black pool in Delaware. Guys, where there are a lot of all black pools.

Stephanie: [crosstalk 00:06:44]

Corinne: Um, and he got into a little, like…

Stephanie: A tiff.

Corinne: Not a fight…

Stephanie: A tiff.

Corinne: Yeah, a tiff. With a…

Stephanie: A disagreement.

Corinne: With a gang leader. His name was Corn Pop.

Stephanie: Corn Pop. Corn Pop is my new hero. He’s my new spirit animal.

Corinne: He might be the toughest gang leader I’ve ever heard of. Um…

Stephanie: Oh, the streets have heard.

Corinne: He kicks them out of the pool. And everyone tells Joe like, “This guy, like wields a straight razor. Like, you mess with the wrong guy.” And they decide to meet in the parking lot. Like Joe Biden asked Trump to meet in the parking lot that one time. But he was meeting with Corn Pop in this parking lot. Um, and Joe Biden is…

Stephanie: Corn Pop.

Corinne: Joe Biden just picks up a, a chain…

Stephanie: He has a chain on him because he is street.

Corinne: An aban- abandoned chain and he wraps it in a towel.

Stephanie: He’s a street guy, Joe Biden.

Corinne: He was connecting with the black community, uh, by his own words. By working at this all black pool in Delaware.

Stephanie: Right. He wanted to understand black culture. So he says.

Corinne: So he tells Corn Pop, who’s wielding a straight razor…

Stephanie: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Corinne: “I will wrap this chain around your head before you ever cut me.”

Stephanie: (Laughs)

Corinne: And Corn Pop was like “Whoa bro.”

Stephanie: Okay man.

Corinne: Now we’re friends. So they hug it out. Like become like best friends.

Stephanie: Bros.

Corinne: And this is a story that Joe Biden tells with a straight face. Like…

Stephanie: Yeah.

Corinne: Almost as seriously as that time he told us to go to a website that was actually a text link. Very, does not realize that this story sounds crazy at all. Um, and…

Stephanie: (Laughing) So we’re like, this is not a true story.

Corinne: It’s clearly the fakest story.

Stephanie: This is a crazy story. This reminds me of when, um, Ben Carson told that actually like corroborated story about, there was like a stabbing and a, with a belt. Do you know what I’m talking about?

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: He was like…

Corinne: Because he was in bad stuff in high school and before he was…

Stephanie: He was like. So Ben Carson is an actual black man. He was a part of a community with an influence that he describes as problematic. Was in some sort of gang fight as a kid. No one believes him because he’s such a nerd. And that is true Ben. You are a nerd. Um…

Corinne: I’m a nerd too. It’s okay Ben.

Stephanie: Um, it’s fair. Um, but there’s actually police reports about it so it actually can be corroborated, right? Um, it reminds me of that story.

Stephanie: Except that people were hilarious because the internet is a great place. And so they rewrote that passage of the book to be an interaction between Ben Carson and a bear. (Laughing) And it goes like, Ben meets the bear and he’s like “Brother bear, be my friend.” And then the bear walks away.

Stephanie: The bear story is what reminds me of the Corn Pop story.

Corinne: Which, yeah, Corn Pop would be the bear in this situation.

Stephanie: Corn Pop is the bear.

Corinne: Um, but also, Corn Pop and the bear are both not real so that they have in common.

Stephanie: There, it’s like, that’s what they have in common.

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: But then, so the Washington, I think it was Washington Post. Washington Post goes out of their way to corroborate this story. Despite the fact that no one ever believed Ben Carson, an actual black man. So they’re trying to validate Joe Biden’s connection to the black community by validating this story, right? So they like determine that Corn Pop is in fact real. And they speak to Corn Pop’s sister. And Corn Pop’s sister is like “Corn Pop is dead man.” And they’re like “Does he know Joe Biden?” She’s like “Maybe.”

Corinne: Probably, yeah.

Stephanie: I mean she literally was like “Maybe. I think I’ve heard him mention Joe Biden.”

Corinne: I will say, at least, where the Washington Time, Post, sorry.

Stephanie: Post, yeah. It wasn’t the Washington Times.

Corinne: I’m so sorry, Washington Times. Um, the Washington Post was like not humorous about this. Twitter was super funny and realized obviously that Corn Pop is fake.

Stephanie: Corn Pop is fake.

Corinne: And I have to say, some of the funniest Twitter cometary that I’ve read in a while. Maybe since the Ben Carson bear story.

Stephanie: (Laughing)

Corinne: Um, so…

Stephanie: Brother bear [crosstalk 00:10:10] Corn Pop.

Corinne: Highly recommend. I have like a really funny thread of retweeted on my twitter that I was literally dying reading. Because Corn Pop is not real.

Stephanie: Corn Pop is, no.

Corinne: Definitely a weird story. Fake news went out of their way to prove that it was real.

Stephanie: It’s like if Westside Story was worse. That would be Corn Pop.

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: Like…

Corinne: Not a good story guys.

Stephanie: Westside Story is a story about two white gangs fighting. And Corn Pop is a less realistic version…

Corinne: At…

Stephanie: Of that story.

Corinne: Again, at the black community pool of Delaware.

Stephanie: Of Delaware. Where Joe Biden is bad ass enough to be carrying around a chain, a bike chain. I just, really not idea.

Corinne: No, he just found it in the parking lot. But people, Twitter actually did some great research. And they’re like “That um, community pool that he’s talking about was 73% white, so we’re really not like sure what he’s talking about.” So there’s some research going on and it is mostly by the Twitter community as usual, so…

Stephanie: Brother Corn Pop. Brother Bear.

Corinne: That was a. Yeah. All right P. Corn Pop.

Stephanie: Be- befriend me.

Stephanie: All right, we also have um, good old Corey Lewandowski, was on the hill this week.

Corinne: Oh man, triggering the libs. I think that was probably the most MAGA A-F hearing I have seen. And there have been a lot with all of this Russia collusion stuff.

Stephanie: There’s been a lot.

Corinne: Um…

Stephanie: I don’t know what he’s doing on the hill first of all. Like why?

Corinne: No, they were trying to get, they were trying to start impeachment proceedings by like, interviewing Corey Lewandowski. Like he was…

Stephanie: On the president?

Corinne: Yes.

Stephanie: Jesus.

Corinne: Like he was going to be the key to Trump’s impeachment.

Stephanie: Oh. Oo. If anyone’s the key to something, it’s Corey Lewandowski.

Corinne: But like, house democrats cannot get it together. And they, I don’t know why, aft- hearing after hearing, they don’t expect like, conservatives to come back with any talking points. So like, Eric Swalwell was like, himself. Like the whole hearing was like “Do you feel guilty? Have you committed crimes?” And Corey’s like “No, I feel like very safe in my home because I have a lot of guns.” (Laughing)

Stephanie: (Laughing)

Corinne: And like, like. Eric did, had no idea, to, what to say. Like I think at one point Corey Lewandowski referred to Eric Swalwell as president Swalwell. Um…

Stephanie: President Swalwell.

Corinne: Which…

Stephanie: And the media reports it as this massive success for the left, right. They’re like “The left grills Lewandowki.” And it’s like, man, you watched the hearing and, I didn’t even know what the hearing was about. That’s what a disaster area it was. But also, they look really stupid. I think that I saw at one point that Swalwell’s staffers were just holding up a big mirror in the background so that he could like, just really visualize what he cares about most.

Corinne: Much like us in this pod-cast right now. We are looking at ourselves.

Stephanie: Literally looking at ourselves right now and…

Corinne: And mostly…

Stephanie: It is not a bad view.

Corinne: I’m getting a lot of like, good vibes from looking at myself.

Stephanie: I just feel…

Corinne: I think this is like how Swalwell feels like…

Stephanie: This is how he feels everyday. No wonder he thought…

Corinne: All the time.

Stephanie: He could be president. I could be president.

Corinne: Like, I’m going to ask an intern to follow me around with a mirror.

Stephanie: Just hold a mirror up. With a selfie light.

Corinne: And a light please. I need the lighting.

Stephanie: Yeah, we need both.

Corinne: But yeah, it did not go well for the dems.

Stephanie: Mm.

Corinne: I think, actually, Corey, I’m like forever endeared. He did so bomb. I’m like, I’m more into Corey right now than I have been ever. Since that time that he assaulted that really annoying reporter. (Laughs)

Stephanie: (Laughs) I think she was a conservative reporter too. But I have no sympathy.

Corinne: He didn’t assault her.

Stephanie: He like kind of grabbed her elbow, but she was being really annoying.

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Corinne: Sorry.

Stephanie: Sorry, not sorry.

Corinne: I make no apologies.

Stephanie: When we saw her at that restaurant that time.

Corinne: Mm.

Stephanie: And we laughed.

Corinne: She lost her wallet.

Stephanie: Oh, that’s right. (Laughing) I don’t even remember her name.

Corinne: It’s okay. No one else does either.

Stephanie: All right. I think we are on to…

Corinne: Our next favorite topic. Um, so, everything’s fake news. But I would say our fake new, our favorite like fake news, or like, SJW craziness this week. Um, I think the first one’s your favorite, right?

Stephanie: Um, yeah. So president Trump, this was the big thing. Ah- ah- ah- it’s our favorite cause it’s the thing that everyone was talking about. Despite everything going on in the world. What everyone is talking about is that president Trump was in New Mexico courting Hispanics. Depending on which media outlet you read this from, it’s like, I think that the words, that, maybe it was boxer slate. Anyway, one of those used. Was in a cringaly…

Corinne: It’s a, it’s a word apparently.

Stephanie: Courting Hispanics. Eh, they might have said cringy. Regardless, because he said he made a joke. He has a, a Hispanic supporter that’s with him a lot. He might even be an advisor. But he was there. And he made a joke. He said, he said “Who do you like, no,” he said, “Who do you love more, Hispanics or the country?” And then the crowd was like “Ha ha ha ha ha.”

Corinne: Country. And he was like…

Stephanie: [crosstalk 00:14:50] And, and then, and the president goes “I don’t know. I think I like Hispanics more.”

Corinne: Which was obviously his way to say like “I love Hispanics so much that I might love them more than America.”

Stephanie: And it’s also his way of being self deprecating. Like he obviously is aware of his persona. But also to throw back to one of my favorite moments in political history, which is “I love Hispanics,” with the taco bowl. I think one was the year 2016.

Corinne: Yeah. I love Hispanics. Double thumbs.

Stephanie: I love Hispanics.

Corinne: Um, I also love taco bowls, so I’ve, I was always on board with that.

Stephanie: It’s one of my favorite moments in campaign history. And he kind of repeated it today.

Corinne: Like I don’t…

Stephanie: And I respect it.

Corinne: The thing that bothers me is the, the reporting of this whole story is the first thing you saw was like “Trump asked people do they love Hispanics more or this country.”

Corinne: And I couldn’t find audio for a while, which always makes me suspicious, so I was like “Oh really?” So I’m seeing a lot of quote tweets and no video when I know there are like 1,200 cameras on Trump. So, I had to like, look for the video. Cause this, this was like Monday night in New Mexico.

Stephanie: Right.

Corinne: Till like Tuesday morning, I could not find a video. Which means, like to me, I was like obviously this is fake. He didn’t say it. And then I like see a whole context of the video and I was like “Obviously he’s making this out like…

Stephanie: Right. It was a joke. It was a joke. And it was his way…

Corinne: And it was maybe poorly phrased, but like Trump is always going to be that person who doesn’t phrase things like maybe the best for a sound bite like that.

Stephanie: No.

Corinne: But like, it was ridic- it wasn’t, aht, he wasn’t saying he hates Hispanics. So it was clearly like…

Stephanie: He also so, so, I also feel like the media was giving the context that he was trying to make people choose between their heritage and the country, right?

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: That was the context I think in which they were sort of playing the situation. That is not, he was, it, it was just no where close to that, first of all. Second of all, I can’t imagine if we applied that narrative to any other race that we’re using, right. I mean, what if, they were accusing Trump of saying “Who do you care about more? White people, or the country?” It’s like, God, if somebody had said white people, it’s like, no, that’s bad. That’s what white nationalism is. I, created word. White nationalism, and like, no one likes that.

Corinne: No.

Stephanie: It’s not good.

Corinne: It’s like…

Stephanie: I condemn them by the way. Openly cause that will come up.

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: I condemn white nationalism.

Corinne: White nationalism is super bad.

Stephanie: But…

Corinne: I’m taking the, the brave…

Stephanie: We’re against it, we’re very…

Corinne: [crosstalk 00:17:04][crosstalk 00:17:05] Taylor Swift to say…

Stephanie: Two thumbs all the way down for that.

Corinne: No place for white supremacy.

Stephanie: It’s a no.

Stephanie: But that’s my point. It’s like, I just think it’s a crazy thing to say. Like, of course you’re not trying to have somebody choose between their actual ethnicity and their country. Because that is an insane thing to do. And the answer is always country.

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: Country first. Everyone knows that.

Corinne: I can’t think of one group I like more than America as a whole.

Stephanie: Mm-mm. Except, actually, to be fair to the president and the context of Hispanics, they do have Enrique Iglesias. Pitbull. Pitbull guys. My hero. Of course. And, um, guacamole.

Corinne: Yeah, I think that’s, that’s maybe the exact train of thought that Trump was…

Stephanie: I think it was.

Corinne: Thinking when he said he was, uh…

Stephanie: We’re all on the same page.

Corinne: Maybe pro Hispanic. I think he was thinking directly of Pitbull.

Stephanie: I…

Corinne: Mr. Worldwide himself.

Stephanie: Mr. Worldwide. Picture that with a Kodak guys.

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: I do every night.

Corinne: Yes.

Stephanie: Next up, we have your favorite one. Which was the SNL comedian…

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: Who was fired for insensitive jokes.

Corinne: And now I forgot this guy’s name, so I feel really bad.

Stephanie: I’m sorry, me too.

Corinne: Um, I’m going to tweet it at some point…

Stephanie: He wasn’t a very famous comedian…

Corinne: Like, he wasn’t super famous. He was a new cast member of SNL.

Stephanie: Some guy…

Corinne: Now I can’t remember his name.

Stephanie: Let’s call him Shane.

Corinne: Yeah. Maybe I should make better notes. That’s a note for next time. But like, apparently people found his old standup. They said it was too, too offensive. Because he touched on, like, racial stereotypes, and like gender norms. And like all of the stuff that actually every comedian touches on because that’s what makes comedy…

Stephanie: It’s funny.

Corinne: Relatable and funny. Um, and now he’s not going to be on SNL. So, there’s that.

Stephanie: Well, first of all, like, big loss. Another white guy isn’t on SNL. It’s like God, y’all think you’re hilarious, first of all.

Corinne: Also, who watches SNL anymore? I don’t think they’ve been funny in the last five years.

Stephanie: Actually, mm…

Corinne: They were…

Stephanie: [crosstalk 00:18:58] Hillary Clinton is next level great.

Corinne: I just…

Stephanie: It’s true. It’s true. Also, Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump is fantastic.

Stephanie: But my point is, every single basic white guy on that show thinks they’re hilarious. I’m like okay. Fine.

Corinne: I’m just like really waiting. I’m really waiting for these, uh, same social justice warriors that were calling for this guys to be fired. To like look up the stand up of, basically, every other comedian who’s ever been on SNL. Because I think that they would find some kind of problem with that.

Corinne: Which is kind of the problem with the whole social justice warrior thing…

Stephanie: It’s not fun. It’s not fun to be around.

Corinne: It’s, you guys are ruining everything.

Stephanie: They’re like not the life of the party.

Corinne: So far they haven’t touched baseball and it’s the only thing I can love still.

Stephanie: I mean honestly, Andrew Yang, who, it allegedly offended was even like “You probably shouldn’t fire this guy”. And it’s, no, not really that big of a deal.

Corinne: Ugh. Ying-yang.

Stephanie: I mean, [crosstalk 00:19:43] for life? Right? I’m going to apply for them.

Corinne: I heard that he raised like half a million in his, little…

Stephanie: I think you heard that cause he said it.

Corinne: Yeah, he said that he raised half a million cause he asked people to donate a dollar to be entered into like, some kind of lottery to win $120,000…

Stephanie: Oh, yeah.

Corinne: For a year for him. And now, he’s like, raising more than Kamala, probably. Which, I think she’s actually going down in the polls. We’ll see where she ends up.

Stephanie: Oh, Kamala.

Stephanie: Who said, oh, it was, uh, I’m going to quote him. Charlie Cook said, uh, “Kamala Harris is a messenger, a perfect messenger, in search of a good message.” I was like (laughs), “Truth.” That is true.

Corinne: I mean… I have, I have my doubts on perfect messenger, but.

Stephanie: Well.

Corinne: I like messengers who put less people in prison. (Laughs) That’s my favorite kind of messenger, but you know.

Stephanie: Burn. Burn.

Stephanie: All right, um, I think our fin- uh, we have…

Corinne: No, I think, so, um, also, social justice warriors gone crazy. Um, they’ve gone after like power house Lizzo. The body positive mentor.

Stephanie: Oh.

Corinne: To-

Stephanie: I forgot about this one.

Corinne: Yeah, so go ahead. You can summarize.

Stephanie: Lizzo, okay. Lizzo orders Postmates and she alleges that her driver ate her food. So she tweeted about it to Postmates like “My driver ate my food.” And the SJW’s flip out on Twitter allegedly. Mm, questionable. And they’re like “Oh my God, you can’t just be turning people into their bosses Lizzo. Not cool. Socialism for life. Worker power.”

Stephanie: And it’s like, okay. If anybody ever ate my food from Postmates I would lose my shit. Like, no. If, if I’m ordering Postmates, it’s probably the middle of the night and I’m probably starving and drunk.

Corinne: I’m, I’m always really hungry and I always need those french fries more than anyone else because, like, trust me, I drank enough to need them.

Stephanie: Right.

Corinne: So.

Stephanie: And I call fake news on this only because…

Corinne: It’s actually like a public endangerment to eat my french fries when I’m ordering po, Postmates. Like…

Stephanie: No. It’s…

Corinne: I need those.

Stephanie: It’s a crime. I’m team Lizzo on this, first of all. But I’m also, I actually really challenge that anybody really cared. I think they pulled like three tweets to make this article. And be like “Lizzo’s anti-socialism.” And it’s like okay…

Corinne: It’s like people canceling Lizzo, which is the whole…

Stephanie: Cancel Lizzo. It’s like, okay.

Corinne: Which they always do to make things a bigger thing. Actually just a couple weeks ago when like, Soul Cycle, when Soul Cycle’s CEO, or some investor in Soul Cycle…

Stephanie: I like, eh, yeah…

Corinne: Was hosting a fund raiser for Trump and they made it out like “Every Soul Cycle’s writer is protesting, uh, Soul Cycle.” Like, I don’t kno- I know a lot of people that go to Soul Cycle because I’m kind of a Soul Cycle like cult member. And, I don’t know anyone who is actually boycotting. And actually everybody tweeting I can basically guarantee has never been to Soul Cycle. They’re like saying things like “Oh, I canceled my membership.” Soul Cycle has no memberships. But like, when the news reported it, and like reported on all of the tweets, they’re like confirming…

Stephanie: Everyone is leaving…

Corinne: Everybody who’s ever gone there. It’s like, no. Can you confirm that anyone who is like, hate tweeting Lizzo was actually her fan in the first place?

Stephanie: Right.

Corinne: No. But they’re like “Everyone wants to cancel her.”

Stephanie: [crosstalk 00:22:52] Yeah.

Corinne: It’s more like the same six people mad at everybody all of the time.

Stephanie: It, it’s this, it truly, they’re mad at everybody.

Corinne: And they always have like “Love Trumps hate. Free Palestine.” In their Twitter profiles. And it’s like, okay guys. Like.

Stephanie: [inaudible 00:23:05] fan great till they gotta be great. Am I right? All right.

Corinne: Truth hurts, Lizzo.

Stephanie: Truth hurts, man.

Stephanie: All right. I think we’re on to…

Corinne: Fav. Trump moments.

Stephanie: Fav. Trump moments. So, Newsweek did an article. This was a real article that was posted in the news, this week. About Donald Trump’s…

Corinne: Was it in the news?

Stephanie: It was in the news. This was a real…

Corinne: [crosstalk 00:23:32] Okay, good.

Stephanie: That someone posted. That was a real thing about like how Donald Trump is this terrible human being. That, when Donald Trump was a kid, he used to go over to his old ass aunt’s house. I’m sorry if I keep using the swears. But it has to happen. Um, and he used to steal pancakes. Sh- she alleges this distant cousin of Donald Trump, alleges, that he used to come over and take pancakes and not be super nice to her.

Corinne: Guys…

Stephanie: This was a news story.

Corinne: Honestly, the worst part of that is that, like pancakes are just not the best food to steal.

Stephanie: Homemade pancakes are delicious. And we know it.

Corinne: No. I mean, I would like, if it was like “Trump steals bagels.” It’s like, I’m on your side. He’s like, he’s like stealing chocolate, I’m like, I’m with you. Waffles, french toast, I would be like, on board with that. But he’s…

Stephanie: Taco bowls?

Corinne: Taco bowls, 100%.

Stephanie: I actually love pancakes made at home. Restaurant pancakes are too caky. They soak up the syrup…

Corinne: I, I’m just not a pancake fan. So like, you know.

Stephanie: Maybe a waffle.

Corinne: Yes, definitely. I’m so into waffles.

Stephanie: You know what, I’m actually, you know what, you’re right. I’m a little disappointed in president Trump…

Corinne: Yeah, that is the one thing…

Stephanie: Over this story.

Corinne: It’s like, we’re, we’re making America great, but like, we still…

Stephanie: Not one pancake at a time, bruh.

Corinne: No pancakes. Like, mostly waffles at a time.

Stephanie: Mostly waffles. All right.

Stephanie: Oh, also, he had, uh, it was, I’m going to get this poor baseball player’s name wrong cause. It is Mariano Rivera. Apparently he goes by Sandman in baseball. And so he came into a Metallica song and the media flipped out about it and thought it was really dorky. And it was.

Corinne: But it was awesome.

Stephanie: But it was also awesome. So, look up that video.

Corinne: Also, I don’t know if Metallica MAGA’s, but they really should.

Stephanie: They probably should.

Corinne: They probably do. Shout out Metallica.

Stephanie: Shout out Metallica.

Stephanie: And finally, I think we’re moving onto our favorite political email and, or, campaign type…

Corinne: Speaks to my heart…

Stephanie: Situation.

Corinne: I didn’t write my favorite this, this week. But, I did get a forward from Stephanie of her favorite email, this week. Which was from the Trump campaign.

Stephanie: It was. So the Trump campaign sent me an email cause I have bought several MAGA hats. Which is a donation, so I’m a supporter now. And so, they send me these emails. And this one had a lot of heavy, um, what is it called when it’s personal [crosstalk 00:25:49]

Corinne: Like a first name tag.

Stephanie: Like a first name tag, right. So it was like, “I told my campaign people that I wanted to reach out to people who are the most loyal to me from the beginning. And I said ‘The only person I can think of is Stephanie from Virginia.'”

Corinne: Not wrong though.

Stephanie: And that’s true. But also, I felt personally loved and accepted by the Trump campaign.

Corinne: Did you enter to win dinner with Trump?

Stephanie: I did not.

Corinne: I’m going to.

Stephanie: I did not. I probably should.

Corinne: I, I should probably, like, start doing that. Just cause, when else am I going to get [crosstalk 00:26:18].

Stephanie: It’s true.

Corinne: I’ve been in D.C. a long time and I’m still not having dinner with Trump. So I should…

Stephanie: I mean I have dinner at his restaurant and that feels like the same thing.

Corinne: At the Trump, with Trump is different.

Stephanie: It is a little different.

Corinne: I saw Ivanka once though.

Stephanie: I, we saw her from across the room. She blew in like a cool breeze.

Corinne: Beautiful, smelled like vanilla.

Stephanie: Mm-hmm (affirmative), ye- the whole atmosphere became vanilla.

Corinne: Yes. Ah, before we were there.

Stephanie: Ah.

Corinne: Well.

Stephanie: We were younger before.

Corinne: If only.

Corinne: Well, let’s see. Um, I think…

Stephanie: I think that’s it.

Corinne: I think that’s it. So…

Stephanie: Guys, that was the week man.

Corinne: That’s our first one.

Stephanie: That’s how the media has been lying to you. We’ve been telling you the truth.

Corinne: Yeah, and, uh, we’ll get better.

Stephanie: Right here. Spiritual leaders, truth tellers. Don’t you worry about it. I am an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church online, so.

Corinne: Yeah, if you need anyone to marry you.

Stephanie: I can’t actually lie to you. I can.

Corinne: Yeah.

Stephanie: But I wouldn’t. Not the New York Times.

Corinne: It’s, that’s very important.

Stephanie: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Corinne: Now, um, yeah. So send us your favorite fake news stories. We’ll talk about them next week. Um, tweet us. And, uh…

Stephanie: We’ll credit you. We’ll talk about it. We’ll vet them. Cause maybe it’s a real news story. Not likely.

Corinne: Not likely. Not from the New York Times.

Stephanie: Mm-mm. Send us anything from the New York Times and you’re going to be covered.

Corinne: Yes, for sure.

Corinne: See you next week.

Stephanie: Bye.

Corinne: Bye.

Continue Reading
Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *