Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! You may not know this, but it’s not just Joe Biden who can claim Irish heritage. A lot of American politicians have ancestry affiliated with the Emerald Isles.
Which Irish tradition matches each of their personalities?
Joe Biden: Kissing the Blarney Stone
It’s said that those who kiss the Blarney Stone are graced with eloquent speech and the ability to persuade. And if that doesn’t describe Joe Biden, I don’t know what does.
Plus, Joe Biden absolutely LOVES kissing stuff. Based on all evidence, kissing any person or anything at all is his actual favorite activity. So kissing the Blarney Stone is absolutely perfect for him.
Mick Mulvaney: Riverdance/Irish Dancing
Irish dancing requires a lot of skill but is essentially very flamboyant and loud stomping. Unlike tap dancing, there’s nothing sly about it. It’s just in your face. It’s easy to love but it’s also really easy to hate. Mike Mulvaney is basically Lord of the Dance.
Paul Ryan: Bogs
Bogs are naturally occurring marsh areas that occur more frequently in Ireland than other land areas. They’re swampy but worse because they act like quick sand, sucking you down until you suffocate and can never escape. Paul Ryan is such a swamp monster he is basically the swamp itself, only, like a bog if you spend too much time around him you could fall in and get sucked deep into the weeds never to return to the shores of relevance.
Kamala Harris: Banshee
That’s right, Kamala Harris comes from a diverse ancestral background including Irish roots. Kamala’s grandmother on her father’s side is a Finegan.
Banshees are screeching harbingers of death. Everytime Kamala cackles while looming over the shoulder of the tottering Joe Biden, the imagery is pretty spot on.
Mike Pence: Will-o-the-wisp
Will-o-the-wisp are a ghostly presence that maliciously lead people astray. They look really nice, and you think following them is going to be a good idea, but it really isn’t. Tell me that doesn’t remind you of good ole former veep Mike Pence. Plus his head really looks like one.
Beto O’Rourke: Potatoes
This is self explanatory.