BREAKING: 12 Totally Viable Options For Speaker Who Are NOT Currently Members Of Congress
It seems pretty obvious to everyone who is not Kevin McCarthy that this whole “Speaker of the House” thing probably isn’t in the cards for him.
Pundits who are clinging to Kevin as an option keep telling America “there are just no viable alternatives” but that’s absolutely NOT true. Especially when you consider that the Speaker of the House doesn’t even have to be an elected member of Congress.
Here’s 12 great options who do not currently serve in the House.
#1 Elon Musk
He’s already handling the investigations thing Congress does better than they would do it themselves. He’s taking on big tech more than anyone whose complained about it for a decade. MAKE HIM SPEAKER.
#2 Alex Stein
Someone’s gotta get Eyepatch McCain in line and also it would really piss off Dave Portnoy. There’s not a person in America that can’t get behind that, right? Plus, we think he’s adorable and after the long rein of fuglies, it’s time to put a hottie in charge.
#3 Kari Lake
Fighting Arizona election fraud is a full time job but if anyone could handle doing two important things at one time and totally crush both? It’s Kari.
#4 Ben Shapiro
Since he knows everything there is to know and also his wife is a doctor.
#5 A potato we paint a face on
After years of Pelosi’s leadership, America wouldn’t be shocked by a crazy faced speaker who doesn’t accomplish anything good.
#6 Tiffany Trump
She has better credentials than most members of Congress and she’s a Trump. Give her the gavel.
#7 President Zelensky
Just cut out the middle man. Just let the guy getting all of our money preside over the lawmaking that gives him all of our money.
#8 Literally ANY comedian
Cuz Congress is an actual joke.
#9 Anthony Scaramucci
He served the shortest term for White House press secretary and there are so many new records to break in the House. Don’t pretend you wouldn’t be entertained.
#10 That homeless man who campaigns for speaker outside of Capitol South
He’s literally running a better campaign than McCarthy at this point.
#11 Any respectable dog who is currently mayor of a small town
I know they’re out there. And I know that this is their moment.
#12 And of course, our favorite option who was nominated officially by Matt Gaetz: Donald J. Trump
He was a great President. He would be a great speaker. MAKE THE HOUSE GREAT AGAIN (or maybe make it great for the first time ever?)