Five Best Tips for Relocating to Chaz – Free Press Fail
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Five Best Tips for Relocating to Chaz

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Recently – a group of individuals dissatisfied with the government of the United States, the State of Washington, and the City of Seattle seceded from the United States and created the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone otherwise known as the independent Confederacy of Chaz. 

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According to the liberal media- Chaz is the new hottest country to live in! The best neighborhood in the United States.

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Here are some hot tips for relocating to Chaz, the new hottest neighborhood around. 

1. Choose something toward the center of town

Chaz is a confederacy of ideas and ideologies. There is no central leadership and for this reason things like borders and the name of the town are subject to change at random with no warning. It is unclear at this time whether the name has changed to Chop or it’s still Chaz and just some rebels are calling it Chop. Additionally some refer to the town as ASAB or simply a drawn umbrella.  But it’s a real place! The best!

2. Look for a spot with a view

The founders of Chaz painted this Black Lives Matter mural in the town square as a reminder of the reason they seceded from the nation in the beginning. The mural now stands as a relic as the movement is no longer relevant to the confederacy or its inhabitants as Chaz has no bearing on justice for black life. But it is super pretty and it makes your heart feel really good. So try to locate where you can see it and always think about how great you are for seeing it. That is the way of Chaz! That’s what makes it so great!

3. No need to have things or bring things! Except a weapon of choice!

Property does not exist in the Confederacy of Chaz (except for the upper class Chaz hostages who live in the buildings within Chaz but technically above Chaz in US airspace – this is a contested area of the confederacy much like Hong Kong to China). So you may bring an initial tent or set up for your new home – but there is no need. Everything is to be shared as needed in the Confederacy of Chaz. So you may just walk to any tent or set up and sleep there and you may walk up to any supplies and take them. Everything is for you! You have no obligation to contribute anything in return. If you did – it wouldn’t be Chaz! There may be some pushback on you as you take what you need to be comfortable but don’t worry you are allowed to respond with violence in any way you see fit. It’s great to do whatever you want! 


4. Start planning your sleep cycle for daytime 

Chaz is known for its vibrant late night culture. All night long the confederates play their music on subwoofers and celebrate in the town square with all the drugs, alcohol and property destruction you could want. Remember in Chaz – there is no property! There are none of the oppressive noise and pollution rules which keep the environment safe for people and animals. That would make no sense for Chaz! Just plan to sleep during the day so you can engage in all the night time tradition. There are even movies chosen by the confederate thought leaders (it’s not propaganda if it’s liberal) put up for free and played loudly for the whole city to hear! 

5. Make sure you know which racially segregated area you are allowed to go 

The Confederacy of Chaz took a page from former confederacies who seceded from the United States and made race a central and focal issue. The confederates agree that races are all different and all need their own separate but equal space to feel safe and supported. An attempt to mix all races and desegregate Chaz is an attempt to discredit race differences and it can’t be tolerated! Races must know to respect distance from each other and live separate but co-habitational lives with various assigned codes of dress and cultures. It’ll be easy to navigate once you arrive. There are signs! It’s wonderful!